Fearless Confusion
by Callic25
Summary: Looks can be deceiving. Just because he looks strong, doesn't mean he is.


**This is something I put together. I've been working on finding my voice as a writer lately and I think I am finally breaking through the mold. **

**Disclaimer – I don't own anything**

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><p>Derek Hale is more confused than ever. He's a lost soul with no one to turn to.<p>

As of right now, he's sitting alone in his apartment. Watching the rain crash against the window. He's sad, but he'll die before he lets anyone see it.

The rain should calm him. It's supposed to calm him. But today is proving to be a difficult one.

Derek is tired of being alone all the time.

It's a simple problem. One that everyone assumes has a simple solution, but that's not always true.

It's been said that you can feel alone sitting in a crowded room. And Derek knows that firsthand, i.e. any party he has ever attended.

The point is that he is exhausted with himself. Or rather the shell he has created.

He wants love. He wants to love. But he can't. He won't.

Derek overlooks the empty streets outside and recognizes that it's a reflection of himself. He's empty on the inside. Alone. Always and forever.

Sure he'll bed a few girls, but that doesn't make them a solution to his loneliness.

It makes them a distraction. A distraction that always turns out crazy. Meaning every girl he's ever slept with has killed someone and usually has an ulterior motive for sleeping with him.

Maybe he could fall in love some day, but it would require him to admit something to himself.

Something that he doesn't even want to think about.

Derek Hale is a man of strength.

Derek Hale is a man of honor.

Derek Hale is a man of loyalty…

But Derek Hale is also a man who is afraid of love.

Afraid of love. And loss.

He's lost so many people he's loved. It's been years of losing the people closest to him. And he doesn't want to feel that pain anymore.

So he takes the light that people are attracted to and covers it in black. He becomes a jerk to run people away from him. He chooses to keep everyone at arms length.

He lives in a state of constant fear.

But suddenly the light has had enough of the darkness.

The light wants out.

The real Derek Hale. The one who loved to love. The one with the big smile. The funny personality. The caring soul. The strong heart. The real Derek Hale wants to come forth.

This is the source of his confusion.

This is what has this beautiful man standing alone in a dark building watching the down pour of rain.

Derek has made a name for himself in Beacon Hills. He's taken his image of light and has turned it into an image of darkness.

An image that sometimes has its perks. He notices that people veer away from him. Which gives him a space to himself. _If he becomes a man of light again, people will want to be around him._

Being a man of darkness scares away the weaker predators. _Being a man of light means that he'll have to prove himself._

Derek pulls away from the window. He walks over to his bed, strips off his shirt and climbs onto the mattress. He pulls the covers over himself. And against his own will, he curls into himself….

Being a man of darkness also means going through suicide thoughts every few weeks and having to convince himself not to do it. _Being a man of light means that the people who love you will be around to pick you up in times of need._

Being a man of light sounds like a good idea.

But is Derek willing to go through the change?

He's still unsure.

Unsure if he's willing to become the fearless man he pretends to be.

Derek thinks of Scott. The young alpha may not be the strongest alpha in the world. But Scott has such a strength on the inside that Derek envies.

He has friends and family that flock to him. People that look to him for love and guidance. The same love and guidance that makes him a capable alpha.

"Why does everything crappy always happen to me?" Derek frowns.

Footsteps sound in the apartment.

Derek jumps out of his skin for a second, but you would never tell. It sucks not having power anymore.

"It's just me." Calls the voice of Peter. The older Hale walks up to his nephew. He's confused. "Why are you in bed at 7?"

"Go away, Peter. I want to be alone."

"Sure you do. Don't think I didn't hear that little girly 'Why does life hate me?' line either."

Derek cringes. But it causes him to break. He sits up quick. He peers at his uncle with red-rimmed eyes. "Do I have to be a girl to admit that I feel every once in awhile?" For once the question is real.

Peter notices this and is taken aback. He hasn't seen this Derek in quite some time. His look softens a little. His body language isn't as proud as it was a second ago. "Derek…. What's wrong?" He sits at the edge of the bed.

Derek moves over a little. Making room for Peter. "I don't wanna talk about it. Just go."

"Is that why you made space for me to stay?"

Derek's been caught.

Peter rolls his eyes. He shifts onto the bed. Shoulder to shoulder with his nephew. "Tell me what's wrong, Derek."

Derek says nothing.

A moment passes.

"Fine. Then I'll sit here 'til you talk."

Derek's head falls onto Peter's shoulder. A thin smile on his face. He takes a deep breath. He opens his mouth to speak.

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><p><strong>Hope you liked it.<strong>


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